I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize