Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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