i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
