it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
