happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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