I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
