I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
