4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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