my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
