If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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