I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
