I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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