420 ftw
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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