i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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