Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
