Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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