I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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