So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
