i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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