I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
