I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
