I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
