Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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