tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize