I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
