Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
