I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
