Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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