Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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