never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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