You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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