Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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