THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
