but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
