TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
