Me too!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
