i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
