he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
