bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
