dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
