Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month

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(516): View more from New York

I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!

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(407): View more from Florida

When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.

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(941): View more from Florida

Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.

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(585): View more from New York

Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm

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(630): View more from Illinois

Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.

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(646): View more from New York

I am really drunk and also a zombie.

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