My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
