He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
