I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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