This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
