I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
