Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
