why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
