i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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