Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
