Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
