If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
