I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
