so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
