I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
