NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
