How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
