how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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