C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
