I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
