i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Of course I have a pirate flag
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
