Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
