I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize