Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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