I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
