I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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