I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
