Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
