you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize