You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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