During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
