New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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