either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
