sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
