Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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