Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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